I have said that my goal is "balance". Now I realize that I've never defined what I meant by that word. That I want to walk steady? That I want to be a gymnast? It is my goal to be able to carry bowls of water on my head?
Rather, I am saying that my life has gotten very focused on certain ideas, which did not allow me to have other, positive, ideas in my head at all. I had to ignore parts of a normal human life in order to obtain the parts I was focusing on.
For instance, I had read many books about many saints and it was my goal to become one. This is not out of the question for someone to do, as it has been attempted and accomplished by others in the past. My goal was to live for the poor, which is noble and helpful and to follow Jesus as much as possible.
My idea of balance was to care for my family at least as well as I cared for the poor. My wife deserves some rest from community life. My children deserve my attention to help them make the transition from teens to adults. I should finish the work I began: withdraw from the work, close the house, transition.
Balance is a matter of health as well as life.
I have two big questions: what does this balance look like? What are the goals I should pursue, personally, spiritually and in community?