My first days of rest are full of sickness, struggle and pain. This is nothing different than every day before my rest, but then I had adrenaline and activity to cover up my daily feelings. When you rest, all you have left is your weariness, your body aches, your suffering.
To rest is a choice to surrender my addiction-- adrenaline. Just like any other drug, withdrawals have consequences. Withdrawal sickness is common, and sometimes painful. To rest is to experience pain, to endure flame. I took two naps on my first day of rest. Now, on my third day, I was restless all night, so I am worn all the more.
I know that it is only for a season. I have to put on a good face for my parents. But inside I just want to be by myself.
Still, I am creating a bit. And I've almost finished my first Murakami novel.
And I am trying to put myself on a new schedule. This month is about re-building my spirituality and diet. Low animal fat, more exercise (but gentle, gentle on my sprained ankle), and diving back into prayer. It will be a good month, but hopefully I'll have enough stamina to create balance.