"In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. His children gave him a long list of food, each one demanding their own specialty, and so Job spent five hours in Wal-mart, finding only two thirds of his list and at least one hour in line behind a screaming woman with three screaming children and an angry man who would repeat every five minutes, 'Would you just shut up!' at the top of his voice. Job returned home, where his children ate up all his purchased goods and complained that he didn't buy what they really wanted.
"The sons of god all gathered to heaven to report to the Most High, and Satan also came. God said to Satan, 'Have you noticed my servant, Job?' and Satan replied, 'Yeah, you know God, I think you've been too hard on that guy. Why don't you give him a break?' God said, 'You're right, there's only so much suffering one man can take.' So God sent an angel to Job's children in their dreams, hypnotizing them into wanting only beans and rice to eat. From that time on, Job only had to go to the local Asian store where the nice check-out woman would tell him how fine his beard looked today."
II Job 1:1-5
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