October 22, 2015

I'm trying to adjust to my new schedule, trying to limit myself and not get caught up being "busy" like I was before, but still try to maintain the minimum necessary to keep Anawim going.  This week I visited the monastery again, which I plan to do on a regular basis, about every other week.  It felt so good, just being in silence, focusing on God and listening.  It is a right choice to do that more regularly.

After a month of feeling actual "rest", I have returned to a regular working schedule and I am all worn out again.  Didn't take long.  This isn't a surprise.  I'm 90 percent sure that all of my symptoms and difficulties are a result of adrenal fatigue.  I've got pretty much all the symptoms.  And this doesn't just go away easily.  It takes years of a balanced life.  Well, then I've got some time to go.

But I've been feeling so angry.  This isn't unusual for me, but my anger was usually associated with me feeling overwhelmed.  Now I'm angry for the homeless, for the unfair abuses they suffer and for the injustice they endure under the state.  I just watched a video of a camp sweep, and a person was told that he couldn't get his bicycle and clothes and ID because they "already inventoried it".  It's all sitting there, in bags, but he doesn't get his possessions.  And he will never get them, because to prove who he is, he would have to have his ID.

In the area of town we are in, Gresham, there seems to be a new attitude toward the homeless.  Citizens are asking for more help for them, and realizing that they aren't the problem children of the community.  But nothing is being done anyway.  And I want to advocate, get more involved, but I'm so tired.  And I don't want to break.

So I write and write and post and write some more.  I guide and suggest resources and get my friends involved.  But I feel out of the loop.  Maybe that's a good thing.