With the homeland security rules, you have to have a lot of IDs to get your ID. You need a social security card, a birth certificate, a proof of citizenship (if necessary), a marriage certificate (if you changed your name). Oh, and don't bother bringing in your old ID because that doesn't count. Oh, and 40 dollars.
We know a lot of people who don't have any kind of ID because it got lost, burned, stolen, whatever. So the road to obtaining this ID is long and hard.
We've decided to make it easier on everyone. Look, homeland security is doing their best, we know, but they just want to prove that if a person was born in America, then they are a citizen. We think they just need to show a little more imagination.
So we created this simple test to prove if one is a real American or not. If you answer the questions right, then we give you your ID.
1. Can you speak English?
Correct answer: No. Americans don't speak English. They speak American.
2. Are all foreigners idiots?
Correct answer: Yes. Anyone who does not live in the United States lives in an idiotic way. Therefore, they are idiots.
3. Would you feel comfortable living in Canada?
Correct answer: Of course not. Canada is foreign. Therefore they are idiots. Also, they have socialized medicine.
4. Do you know where Belize is?
Correct answer: What is a Belize? No one knows where Belize is. Even those who live there probably wouldn't be able to point it out on the map.
5. Are you fluent in any language apart from English?
Correct answer: Of course not. We've already established that Americans can't even speak English.
6. Do you feel cheated if your meal doesn't fill the plate?
Correct answer: There are meals without a super size option?
7. Do you have a car?
Correct answer: How can anyone live without a car?
8. What is your favorite childhood memory?
Correct answer: I remember when gas was less than two dollars a gallon...
9. What is your opinion about France?
Correct answer: (unmentionable)
Final: Please fill in this map (correct answers provided)